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Do you ever take your mask off? – Becka
Nope, not really an option. I'm still not sure how, but it's apparently "glued" to my face.
I sure wouldn't drink beer through straws and eat cookies with a hammer if I had the choice. Probably what that guy in 'Spiderman' was talking about with the whole "great power, great responsibility" shtick. Be the super awesome me, eat and drink through a picket fence.
Such is my burden in life.
What would be a good gift to give my girlfriend for X-mas? – Paul Rose
I guess my question to you is, how big of a retard do you want to be in the upcoming year? See, when you give her a gift, what you're really doing is putting down a forgiveness deposit for the upcoming year.
She knows it and you better know it if you want to play the game. So, if you're going to just leave messes around the house or maybe track mud through the kitchen, you'll probably want a puppy or a nice dress. If you're planning on going on a five county murdering spree, you better buy her a diamond. And throw in a Snuggie to sweeten the deal so she'll post bail.
Who would win in a one-on-one fight to the death? Pirate vs. ninja? Superman vs. Batman? Hank Venture vs. Dean Venture? – bigman3d
Pirate Vs. Ninja: The ninja because the pirate would be too busy fighting off his panicked parrot to protect himself. Plus, ninjas have that whole "stealth" thing going for them so, it's kind of an unfair fight. Odds lean slightly in the pirate's favor if he spots the ninja first and has a loaded canon aimed at him.
Superman Vs. Batman: Superman would win the battle but Batman would ultimately win the injury lawsuit since Bruce Wayne has more money than God.
Hank Venture Vs. Dean Venture: Hank? Dean? I don't know those kids. Did I kill them somewhere? I dunno...
If you and your wife decided to see who’s the better predator, who would win? – Steven Robinson
Are we talking about body count or the ability to creatively kill things? If we're talking about straight body counts I win hands down. Even on her best nights she can only drink so much blood and she doesn't kill for pleasure like yours truly. If we're talking style, ehhhhh....I dunno I guess she might have a slight advantage. That disappearing thing is pretty sweet and flying could certainly come in handy.
Oh, who are we kidding?! I'M THE KING! Next question...
* DISCLAIMER: Ask Jack™ is a comedic question and answer column written by imaginary character Jack Deadly™. The answers given to reader questions are strictly for entertainment purposes only and should never be considered as actual advice or recommendation for a course of action. If you have genuine concerns that need to be addressed, please consult with trained professionals who can give you the sincere advice that your situation may require.
Not all questions will be answered. Questions selected are chosen for a variety of reasons including acceptable content, interesting subject, etc. All letters become the property of Chris M. Cantrell and may be used in the future without any compensation. By sending in a letter, you agree to be bound by the terms of this disclaimer regarding your submission.
